Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Day 8: My quest comes to a close.

Ahh, here we are again in Hoenn. Potentially for the last time.

I've learned a lot about myself and about Pokémon.

Well, okay, not really.

All I've learned is that women are insane, men are morons, and pretty much every Pokémon in the world can be taken out in a single Leaf Blade attack.

Two if they're particularly tough.

Anyway, with the 8th badge in my... Badge belt? Where the hell do you keep badges?

Whatever. Elite Four time.

I SURF in the direction of the remaining island on the map, and go up a a giant waterfall to arrive in EVER GRANDE CITY.

Looks like here's my final stop before I trash the Elite Four. I wonder if MAY/STEVEN/WALLY will show up here... I could use a good warmup before I get started.

All that seems to be in this little town is a cave and a Pokémon Center. I heal up and head into VICTORY CAVE, as the sign outside proclaims it to be.

There are some high level monsters here, but nothing Rich can't handle. The trainers are especially good, since they have slightly lower level Pokémon, plus a nice cash bonus for winning.

While I'm in the cave, I run into someone who's talking about how he learned how to battle from his family, and how he got to be better than them at it.

So that's the kid who was the best in his family? The one they said I'd never beat? And to think, Rich just Leaf Bladed all his creatures into nothingness.

Go home and cry to your grandma, fool.

Shortly thereafter, I best another trainer, and Ozzy evolves into this weird sumo-samurai thing.

Whatever. It's not like he's getting used for anything but being my HM bitch anyway.

I beat some more trainers, figure out the way to the end of the cave, and get ready to see the Elite Four.

I see sunlight up ahead when, suddenly, I'm stopped from behind.

It's WALLY, and he's looking to battle again.

...Oh, this oughta be good.

His first Pokémon is an ALTARIA. Rich's slam attack makes easy work of it.

Next comes a ROSELIA. Aaron goes out and hits it with two Silver Winds, giving him a stat boost, then finishes the job with Psybeam.

Next he send out GARDEVOIR. Aaron hits it with just one Silver Wind for a knockout.

He sends out his DELCATTY, and Aaron hits it with a Silver Wind and then a Psybeam and it's down.

He sends out his final Pokémon, a Magneton. A tough fight for Rich, since Leaf Blade isn't effective, but Aaron has too little health to risk it.

Rich fires off a Leaf. I cross my fingers, and...

Critical hit! Magneton is down with one blow, and WALLY is shamed yet again!

Moreover, since Mike had the EXP. Share for this whole fight, he hits level 33 by the end of the battle and evolves into a CAMERUPT. Ugly as sin, too.

I exit the cave, walk the path to the Elite Four area, and heal.

The first foe is SIDNEY. he goes down without much of a fuss, only dealing 30 damage to Rich between five guys.

Next comes PHOEBE, boasting her Ghost Pokémon's abilities. Two of her Pokémon go down in single Leaf Blades, and the rest barely do any real damage.

Next is GLACIA, using Water/Ice types. Rich is weak against Ice, but since he kills most of them in a single, super-effective Leaf Blade, that's not really a problem.

Last is, of course, the guy using Dragon Pokémon, DRAKE. Since my Leaf Blade isn't effective against any of his Pokémon, it's a tough fight, but Rich, being the champion he is, pulls it off.

Now comes the final battle, and it's: STEVEN!

Alright, you smug son of a bitch. Let's do this.

He gets a few good hits in, but Rich gets in some even better ones. His one real threat was his METAGROSS, but that, too, fell to the might of Leaf Blade.

After STEVEN bites the dust, MAY comes up to give me advice on beating him.

I'm not surprised. She's not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box.

Then the PROF. comes up and says that she's an idiot for not believing in me and congratulates me on my victory.

I, for one, am floored by the fact that I beat everyone in the Elite Four with just Rich, some Max Elixirs, and a few Full Restores.

You guys are some pansy ass bitches.

I head into the back room with STEVEN, and my Pokémon ascend to the hall of fame.

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I beat the game in just under 24 total hours.

Not too shabby.

I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

But, since I beat the game, that means the blog is done.

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Epic blog, I really enjoyed your humor. It was a good read.